adultfrienddinder time

I vet adultfrienddinder potential dates via the phone before meeting. Why? Because if I don’t enjoy the adultfrienddinder conversation on the phone, it’s pretty much guaranteed I won’t enjoy the face-to-face. I know some people are uncomfortable on the phone, but in this day and age, if you can’t converse comfortably whether on the adultfrienddinder phone or in person, you’re not for me. In the last week I’ve had four potential suitors call me. Only one received an invitation for a repeat conversation.

Being a conscious conversationalist is critical to a long-term relationship — at least for me. Since I’ve encountered so many people who are conversationally challenged, I’m assuming it is as much of an issue for women as it is for the men I vet. Since it is doubtful your adultfrienddinder friends will volunteer that you are an inept adultfrienddinder conversationalist, as a public service I thought I’d delineate some of the most common conversational culprits.

• Taking most of the air adultfrienddinder time. A conscious conversationalist will be aware of approximately how much of the talk time she is taking and when it begins to feel like they’ve monopolized the conversation, turn the focus on the other person. If you don’t know much about the other person, you can simply say, “I’ve been talking non stop, and I really want to know about you. Tell me something that’s new or exciting in your life.”

• Repeating yourself. If you aren’t paying enough attention to what you are saying that you repeat yourself, how much do you think the other person will feel you’re listening to them?

• Turning the focus back to you. Last night a new potential suitor called. He regularly turned the conversation to himself. We were talking about the world’s awareness of US affairs. Since I hadn’t  shared much by this point, I said “When I was in Malaysia last summer, I was amazed at how many of my contacts watched the Democratic convention on CNN.” His next line was not, “What did you make of that?” or “What did they think of US politics?” or “What were you doing in adultfrienddinder ?” No. It was, “A friend has a manufacturing plant in Malaysia that makes dolls. He wants to hire me to do some work for him. Look it up at www.adultfrienddinder.com.”

• Not asking relevant follow-up adultfrienddinder questions. This same caller said he thought I was fascinating. Which I found odd because I had said barely 10 sentences after 30 minutes into the call. He could have found out about me by asking relevant follow-up questions to my comments, as I illustrated above. If both parties merely jump into a conversation with their own stories or thoughts, it’s as if two people are having sequential monologues. To really get to know someone’s thoughts, values, and opinions, you have to dig deeper into what they share.

• Delving into unimportant details. Your conversation partner doesn’t need to know every detail of your adultfrienddinder story. Try to keep it pithy but still include relevant information. Most people could cut their chatter by half, if not 2/3 if they focused on just key elements to get their thought across. If someone wants more detail they’ll ask. Better to error on the side of pithiness.

• adultfrienddinder Interrupting. When someone is talking, let them finish their story or thought. Of course, this is a challenge if they are going on and on and on about something of no interest to you. If you need to interrupt to clarify something, do so with, “I need to interrupt before you go on because I’m confused about…” You are interrupting to better understand what they are sharing, not to change the subject or focus the conversation back on you.

• Not letting the other person answer your questions. If you ask a question and as soon as your conversation partner starts sharing, you interject, “That happened to me, too! Let me tell you about it…” you are showing you don’t really care to know about them.

• Too many non sequiturs. If you can’t stay with the thread of the conversation and are continually changing the subject (often back to focusing on you), it is difficult to have an in-depth discussion. Yes, we all get reminded of something that is a little off the subject, and if you find your adultfrienddinder stream of consciousness takes you far afield, you can acknowledge that, “This is a tad off topic, but your comment reminded me of….” Or if you have more to share on the topic but your partner has gone on a tangent, simply say, “I had another thought I wanted to share on xxx….”

• Short or curt adultfrienddinder answers. While I believe in being adultfrienddinder pithy, curt or short answers are not attractive. If you don’t want to talk about something, simply say, “I’d rather not go there right now.” or “I’ll tell you about that after we’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.”

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